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Liberal Arts Advisement & Careers
Internship Experience

Stepping Up to the Plate: Battling the Curveball of Imposter Syndrome

I wouldn’t consider myself an introvert.

From the time I was a kid, I actively sought connections in group settings, thriving on social interactions.

My parents played an important role in encouraging this sociability. With the hope that I would learn valuable relationship skills, they signed me up for a variety of sports teams. Baseball, football, basketball, soccer, and even a brief stint in swimming.

Each experience taught me valuable life lessons. But the life lesson that proved most valuable came from learning how to connect with new team members, especially when I thought their superior skills might threaten my standing on the team.

At the start of my internship, during the orientation week with my BYU housing and academic course cohort in Washington D.C., I encountered a significant challenge that tested that ability to connect.

I felt excited and overwhelmed by the new environment. Whether discussing information literacy, debating politics, or trading internship experiences, it quickly became clear that my peers were high achievers, academically and intellectually.

I found myself grappling with old-but-familiar feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. I felt myself stepping back, making fewer comments when we discussed things as a group.

Class assignments that should have taken 15 minutes to complete took me hours out of fear that my work wouldn’t stand the scrutiny of others. It seemed that all my social skills and confidence had become useless in this competitive setting.

Sadly, as I met the other interns in Senator Mitt Romney’s office, I struggled with the same feelings of inadequacy. To protect myself, I stayed more aloof, hoping that my inadequacies would go unnoticed. But that approach, I found, hindered me from forming connections with my colleagues and supervisors.

In DC, networking is the name of the game. If you are a Capitol Hill intern, who wants a job, it is crucial that you get good at it. And quickly.

Unfortunately for me, my insecurities stopped me from joining that ever-present networking dynamic. I became a master of the logical (and plausible) excuse. I told myself things like, “The legislative assistants and lawyers are too busy to talk to me” or “I’ll just be a bother.”

As I observed my peers effortlessly cultivate relationships, I felt increasingly frustrated and isolated. To counter those feelings, I focused even more on completing my daily assigned tasks, hoping that staying busy would distract me from feeling inadequate.

Everything changed about halfway through my internship. During a weekly staff and intern group meeting, a staff member mentioned how she and all of the other staffers love connecting with the interns on a more personal basis. While staff members might be busy, they genuinely welcome interns who take the initiative to reach out.

This revelation struck a chord with me. It reminded me of when I mustered enough courage to reach out to the new kids on my baseball team.

At the beginning of my second year, two star players joined our team. I recognized them because they had played for our rival team the year before. They were much bigger than the average 12 year old. They had both pitched against us. And, they hit more than 40 home runs, combined.

I knew they would be a great addition to the team. But everyone, me included, felt intimidated. Our once confident and cohesive baseball team became a group of individuals, each struggling with self doubt.

It all came to a head after we lost a championship game…the same championship game we had won the year prior, when we didn’t have our new “star players.”

Collectively, we all wanted to just get back to playing baseball. But, it seemed, no one wanted to do anything about it. Doing something would mean pushing past self doubt and stagnation and focusing on things that connected us as a team.

Determined yet unsure, I resolved to find a new team unity. Instead of sticking with my existing friends, I made a point of talking with Dawson and Nate (the new players) whenever there was a lull in practice. I intentionally sat next to them in the dugout. We talked about strategy and shared personal stories.

As we got to know each other, we discovered common interests and shared experiences. We started cracking jokes in the dugout, hanging out after games, and grabbing food together whenever our schedules permitted.

This early lesson in looking past my insecurities to build connections became a guiding principle for me. Whenever I joined a new team or group, I made it a priority to disregard my social anxieties and befriend those who appeared more skilled than me.

At first, I was awkward and uncomfortable. But slowly, I got better. I developed lifelong friendships, and trustworthy contacts who stood in my corner.

At my internship, I started to realize I faced a similar, rich possibility to cultivate lifelong friendships.

Inspired by that newfound perspective, I decided to take action. I had wanted to connect with the legislative assistant in the office. I emailed him and proposed a time to chat.

During our meeting I discovered that he studied accounting at BYU and had worked in investment banking in New York. As our meeting ended, he promised to connect me with a friend who practices law in DC.

That one email ended up opening the door to invaluable connections and great career advice.

From that point on, I made it a habit to be proactive in meeting people (and a little less surprised that I still needed to manage feelings of insecurity).

In the end, I emerged from my internship not only with valuable professional skills but also with a deeper refined ability to reach out, make connections, and learn from others in the process.