Building Shared Purpose: The Path to Your Best Professional Self

I walked into my first day at my internship on time and expected a gold star. I completed work as quickly as possible and expected to be patted on the back. I expected my lack of knowledge to be embarrassing, so I faked it (but didn’t make it). I didn’t look for moments to communicate clearly with my supervisor because I expected him to read my mind at all times. I expected my internship to be easy. I expected my internship to be painless. I showed up for the resume line because I expected that was all I needed for my career plans.

Unrealistic expectations always become unmet expectations. Unmet expectations lead to frustration. Frustration leads to conflict, either within yourself or with others. It seems like expectations are the common terrible denominator here.

Why have them at all then, if all they are going to do is act as the kindling for a dumpster fire of mass proportions when, inevitably, they go unmet and unfulfilled? After all, the great author (and BYU professor) Brandon Sanderson said, “Expectations are like fine pottery. The harder you hold them, the more likely they are to crack.” So, wouldn’t it be better to let them go? Show up to the first day with no expectations so that you will have zero disappointments? Isn’t your internship—and your own self-esteem, emotional equilibrium, and reputation—safer without expectations?

The problem here is not expectations full stop, but unrealistic expectations. Those expectations that come from little prior knowledge, little to no attempts to change your expectations when or before you arrive, and lots of The Office episodes about water cooler talk and Jim pranks.

1. Don’t build on bad material. To establish expectations is to reject a few myths from the beginning. Showing up on time is not impressive—it’s expected. Completing work quickly is not as good as completing work well. You know nothing about your job when you first arrive, and you shouldn’t fake that you do (it will get you nowhere and embarrass you everywhere). And, perhaps most importantly, your supervisor and the people you work with do not have ESP. They cannot read your mind, and they have no idea that you are harboring seeds of unmet expectations that will lead to internal frustration and outward resentment.
2. Recognize realities. In any serious building project, it’s best to realize from the get-go that oak is oak and stone is stone. This doesn’t mean that you should show up to your internship with no sense of purpose or direction because you are “facing reality,” and reality is always disappointing (#2020, anyone?). Instead, it’s realizing that your internship is going to be challenging. It’s going to be awkward at times, and you’re going to feel out of place occasionally.
3. Communicate with your building partner. No building project can move forward if you don’t talk, listen, and then listen well. Your supervisor can’t read your mind and doesn’t have your vision of who you want to be or the experience you’d like to build to by the end of your internship. They’ll want to help you, sure, but without you walking them through the blueprints of your plan, they won’t know if you’re building a pagoda or a skyscraper. Clear, consistent, and frequent communication is key.

At the beginning of your internship, sit down with your building partner—your supervisor or other key relationship—and share your expectations. Ask for their advice on whether these expectations are realistic and map out a plan with them for how you both can meet new, well–established expectations. Your expectations will change because of what they share, and their expectations of you and your purpose as an intern will change—for the better—because of what you share. You’ll come to a new and better place in your working relationship. You’re now prepared to build together because you’ve established expectations, or shared purpose, together.

And, when new stages in your building project come up, new expectations will need to be established. But you can do it because you’ve done it before. You can, and should, establish expectations again and again.

You’re going to make mistakes, and you’re going to find yourself struggling to know what to do. None of the above realities are cause for concern—in fact, the great and real news is that your internship is going to be a rich and rewarding experience because of these realities. How you overcome adversity, respond to embarrassment or awkward situations, learn from mistakes, and find something to do is learning from your experiences.

This is experiential learning, friends. It’s tough, and it’s the best. Expect it to be.

As you build on solid ground, realistic expectations will become met expectations. Met expectations will lead to satisfaction and an increased sense of purpose. An increased sense of purpose will lead to new awareness of where to build next on your continuing project of professional development. Expect the best from your internship by recognizing what the best is: overcoming challenges by creating shared purpose to build, together, the experiences you need to become your best professional self.

Expectations will guide your path, but only if you establish them first.